WTGW 2/20/19: BG’s Main Event, Rittman

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THE WHERE (we went)

Rittman. Raise your hand if you know where that is.

Yeah, I don’t think any of us really did either. And come to think of it, maybe still don’t?

Although we did discover a giant Morton’s Salt processing facility on our route into town, which given this week was Cassi’s pick we considered for half a second we might just be dining there.

But alas we ended up at BG’s Main Event, which is your typical “just on the right side of divey” bar and grill in a typical small town atmosphere. It’s also aptly named, as, well, there’s not much else on what I assume was the main road we arrived on.

THE WHAT (we ordered)

You know what sounded super appetizing? The meatball splash.

… said no one in the history of the world, ever.

Are you kidding me? What marketing genius came up with this extremely unappealing name for something you’re supposed to want to put in your mouth? It sounds like the name of a person or maneuver you try your damndest to avoid at the community pool in the summer.

Also on the non-order list for this evening: the steak. Not because of some hideous attempt at a cute name like “seared cow flank” or “farm animal surprise” or anything like that, but because they were trying to sell us a 10oz steak for $12.99. I mean, really. Have you not seen what Shane considers to be a deal when it comes to meat products?

I think he outright scoffed at the menu when he saw this supposedly economically feasible option.

But they got us on Wednesdays being wing nights, and the price of 50 cents per wing was right up our alley. Spoiler alert: I was the only one of the group to not be sucked into that deal.

Shane also pointed out the other, far less tempting Wednesday special, which is the Hangover Burger … at a whopping 40 cents off of its original price. That’s right, folks. Quite a bargain. Start your savings funds tonight by dining here.

We prefaced our order by telling the server that we liked food, and that we would probably order a lot of it. She retorted that we were in the right place for that.

And so an agreement was forged.

I got the Rhinoburger sub, which everyone said sounded delicious (from the description, of course, not the actual name. I’m sensing a theme with this place). It’s kind of like a Mr. Hero Romanburger – a burger, plus lunch meats like ham, salami and pepperoni, plus lettuce and tomato, on a sub bun.

FYI, that’s not chip dip. I mean, not that I tried it or anything

Ted was personally offended that I chose this, because he had kind of wanted to order that same thing … but then he also felt like he had to get something different just for the sake of variety.

He ended up with the brisket, after the server said that the restaurant is known for BBQ.

He was much happier with that than I was with the Rhino sub, let’s just say that much. I mean, don’t get me wrong, my sub was OK … but it was nothing overly exciting. I haven’t had a Romanburger from Mr. Hero in some time, but if memory serves me correctly, I venture to say I would prefer that over what I ate here this evening.

So next week we’ll be at Mr. Hero then?

I kid.

Ted also got the hot garlic wings. Because, well, they were on special.

Yeah, those just look hot

Shane got the All American burger, which is basically a bacon cheeseburger with fried pickles on it. Um, OK. So where’s the fancy name for this one? Green Machine Burger? Fried Former Cucumber Burger? Instead they go with All-American? Interesting.

Also, that one pickle looks a lot like a French fry

And wings, although I neglected to take note of the flavor, so you’ll have to use your imagination there. Or, I mean, this is Shane, you can probably go back about four posts here and figure out his type.

It’s a dry rub, we can say that much

Cassi got 12 boneless wings – six of the Teriaki, and six of the hot garlic.

One set, looks just like Ted’s

Plus a side salad

You know how much we love our veggies

Jason got the bacon cheeseburger, which when given the choice of a half or third pound, he responded he would “just” take the half pound  … like he was conceding to the lesser of the two options there. I believe we all hinged onto the end of his order like a broken screen door in a windstorm trying to figure out where that was headed with that statement. Or why he seemed to think that a half was less than a third.

He then proceeded to ask the server what came on the burger. And was told, shockingly, that it’s condiments included bacon … and cheese. On a bacon cheeseburger.

Appalling, I know.

Jason also got six of the honey mustard wings, because, well, he knew he couldn’t not when the rest of the guys had also ordered them.

Honey mustard in the front, plus Cassi’s teriyaki in the back

Oh, and Cassi and Jason split an order of onion rings.

And Shane and I got breaded mushrooms.

Is that all? I mean, is that enough? It hardly covered the table. That seems disappointing.

THE WHO (we saw)

Lots of people with plastic pointy things that they kept trying to throw at the wall.

Also known as dart league. Which explains why we didn’t sit at the bigger table that would’ve required us to walk directly  through the path of the throwers.

And judging from this, they take it pretty serious.

Who knew so many colorful accessories could go into a game of darts? 

Our server was decent at first – very personable and attentive, coming over to the table shortly after we sat down to get our drink orders and introduce us to the menus. But when we didn’t know our orders approximately 5.2 minutes after being handed the menu it seemed like she took that opportunity to run out back for a lengthy smoke break. Or maybe a run down the street to the corner store. Who knows. I mean, the good news is that she did come back eventually, and that our drinks never went empty for entirely too long throughout the night. So we won’t judge too harshly.

The place also got fairly busy later in the evening. I mean, it’s also super small in there, so adding about 10 people to our group of five and the league of darters was about all if took to fill the place up – but the point is that you can tell it’s for sure a town favorite.

THE HOW (much we spent)

$48 – for an app, a giant sub with side, a burger with side, wings, and several drinks. Not too shabby.

Bonus: the White Claws were only $3.25 each. Considering we paid $5 each last week, I would call this a win.

In the not-a-win column, it appears we got the basket of onion rings on our bill, and Cassi and Jason got our breaded mushrooms.

Eh, close enough. We’re all friends here.

THE WHY (they may see us again)

So I think Cassi summed it up best when she stated that her food wasn’t the greatest, but that she would like to drink at this place.

Everyone pretty much gave the wings a big thumbs down, saying they weren’t the best they had ever had. The sauces were OK, but there was too much breading and that made the flavor “off.”

And the rest of the food was just OK.

But the vibe was great and the drinks were cold, so once again if we could transport a place to about 30 miles closer to where we live then I think they would have regular customers in us.

Or, you know, if we every need to make a run out to get some fresh salt straight from the factory, we’ll plan to stop back in.

Picked by: Cassi
Next pick: Steph

Cassi – thumbs down for wings, thumbs up for atmosphere

Ted also with the dual thumb rating

Jason

Shane

Steph

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WTGW 1/2/19: The Noisy Oyster, Merriman Valley

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Happy New Year!

To kick off the new year, we’re trying a bit of a simpler format for this little blog here. I’m calling it a little more just the facts, and a little less let’s write a novel about a place where we had a meal.

Because, you know, we’ve all thought we found the perfect recipe online and when we click through instead we’re treated to 17 paragraphs about how their Aunt Rose’s love of pancakes, pineapples and visiting flea markets on Saturdays is in some way connected to this amazing FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GINA, I HAVE GUESTS SHOWING UP AT MY HOUSE IN 45 MINUTES AND I JUST NEED TO KNOW WHAT TEMPERATURE TO PREHEAT THE OVEN. Damn.

But don’t worry, one thing that won’t change is the sass. Obviously. Because I still speak fluent sarcasm, people, no matter the length of the speech. I don’t think I know how to exist without that element.

Anyway.

THE WHERE (we went)

The Noisy Oyster, a place in the Valley we have all driven past about 2,874 times but honestly were a little afraid to walk inside of.

See also:  about 87% of the places we’ve been to over the past 5+ years. So, you know, just another Wednesday night with this group.

We actually did walk into the Noisy Oyster a few weeks ago, but realized that Wednesday nights are apparently “you-can’t-get-a-seat-if-you-arrive-after-7” nights, a.k.a. trivia nights. But since it’s still the holidays and the late arriver home (me) was still on vacation, we were actually able to get out to dinner at 5pm, where we found a completely different atmosphere.

Cue jokes about the Golden Buckeye Card Holders and 4PM Early Bird Dinner Specials.

It’s worth mentioning, though, that the parking lot was deceptively full for the three occupied tables inside. Apparently it was laundry night for all of the other cars parked in the shared lot.

Insider tip – the view by the windows will seem enticing, but unless you enjoy chilly drafts and giant spiders I would recommend going elsewhere. Trust us on this one. Jason tried a few times to fix the draftiness, but we were concerned his efforts might actually just push the window into the stream below. Which would also bring us closer to the giant scary spiders hibernating on the other side of the glass.

We finally just gave up and moved to an open high top toward the back of the bar. Sometimes we’re smart.

THE WHAT (we ordered)

The guys started out the evening attempting to order their old friend, the $2.00 16oz Hamms special. I’m sure you can already tell by the tone of that sentence how far that got them. The server blamed New Year’s Eve for the empty Hamm’s cooler, a statement which may tell you more about this place than this entire review.

We ended up with DownEast ciders for three of us, and a draft IPA for Jason. Fashionably late, Ted also opted for the IPA when he arrived.

The menu features a lot of seafood, which I know is shocking given the name of the restaurant. Given Shane’s allergy to shrimp (which he for some reason hates for us to talk about so, shhhh, keep it a secret between us, ‘k?) we of course hoped that Shane didn’t order anything that might be cooked in the same oils, fryers or grills as the element that might kill him.

Living on the edge to start 2019, kids.

And we can definitely trust a place which still has placards on the table advertising a seasonal cocktail that appears to be left over from summer.

Did we travel to the Southern Hemisphere?

Cassi and Jason got an app of calamari.

Fresh from the freezer, not the ocean.

Cassi started off with a side salad, which I’m not sure what it’s usually served on the side of, but it was about as big as the regular salad I ordered.

This is a very generous side salad, no?

Then she had the breaded shrimp platter with waffle sweet potato fries for her meal.

This looks like the unhealthy version of what Ted ordered

Jason got the honey mustard wing dings

Along with the mushroom Swiss burger with fries

Ted got smoked oysters to start

Anyone else not picture oysters looking this way in their minds? No, just me?

And the Cajun shrimp

This looks too healthy to be at our table

I got the garden salad, with six of the Thai chili regular wings

I think the primary difference between the side salad and the real salad is the two dressings

Shane got a regular cheeseburger with cheddar cheese and the Saratoga chips

And six garlic parm wing dings

Garlic parm with extra breading please

I’m sure the million dollar question on your mind right now is “what the eff is a wing ding, and how is it different from a regular wing,” right? Well, it should be, because if it’s that obvious and we didn’t know then I feel pretty stupid right about now.

According to the server, the wing dings have more breading than the regular wings. Um, OK. Which seems a little unusual then that they are actually done faster than regular wings. Like 15 minutes faster.

Must be some new quick bake breading they invented.

In any case, I’m not sure we determined which kind were better. But the good news is that we liked both kinds, so I guess that counts for something? I really liked the regular wings, the sauce was tasty. Jason gave the wing dings a thumbs up. Shane really liked his, too, claiming that he could eat 25 of them. He was done with his before mine even hit the table – which I guess really isn’t that much of a shock, but still.

THE WHO (we saw)

The crowd was … well … interesting. We’ve already established that is was definitely much older, and that the majority cleared out after the early bird dinner hour was over but before the beginning of Jeopardy. Trivia brought in a few younger folks to fill those empty seats, but not enough to make us not feel like we were still the youngest ones there.

On another note, the group tried their hands at trivia again. Unlike the last time we tried this endeavor, we were in 5th place going into the final question – which meant we maybe had a real shot at winning.

Yeah, not even close.

So the streak of the Moist Towelettes is over. Well, I mean, if you can call one win a streak. Which I believe the guys did.

THE HOW (much we paid) 

Who doesn’t love paying $4.75 for a can of cider? This group.

Plus when the $2 beers were gone, there was really nothing on the menu close to being able to replace that. Shane got a $3 Modelo draft … but said that wasn’t exactly the same. Or the preference.

Sorry Modelo. You just got rated lower than a $2 can of Hamm’s. Ouch.

THE WHY (they will/won’t see us again)

I think a return visit may come down to us deciding we need to go someplace close by on a night when we are able to eat dinner at the hour of the 80 year olds. The food was good – both kinds of wings got a thumbs up, as did both kinds of shrimp. Ted wasn’t really impressed with the oysters, but said he wouldn’t let that deter him from returning. Jason mentioned that although he always gets nervous when he orders a burger and they don’t ask how he wants it cooked, this time the gamble paid off in his favor.

I think overall the consensus was that the food would be worth a repeat trip, but the interesting crowd (including the spiders) and a losing trivia experience kind of put a sour note on things – making this a sold “maybe.”

Like I said, living on the edge.

Picked by: Cassi

Cassi

Steph

Shane

Jason

Ted

Noisy Oyster Pub Menu, Reviews, Photos, Location and Info - Zomato