19: Missing Falls Brewery, Akron

Here’s a quick lesson in how to be confusing: open two breweries within a relatively short span of time from one another, in neighboring areas about eight miles apart … and then give them very similar sounding names.

Good thinking.

Which is the story behind how our GPS was trying to direct us to Missing Mountain Brewery in Cuyahoga Falls – which we’ve tried to go to at least three times now (including this magical night) but haven’t seemed to find the secret password needed in order to get a table in their seat yourself environment – when really we wanted to go to Missing Falls Brewery – which is located in the same building as R. Shea’s newest location near downtown Akron, and Ted’s pick this week.

Seriously, was there some sort of rule that came out in 2018 that all new breweries had to have the word “missing” in them? Does no one own a thesaurus?

OK then.

Side note, we were at the new R Shea’s location a few months ago for a Saturday night out, and we really liked it. I mean, we’re still partial to the original location in the Valley, but with the same great beer selection and expanded food options, we definitely enjoyed visiting this location as well.

Missing Falls looks very similar inside to R. Shea’s – the open industrial look showcasing that the building was once a factory, a big room with a bar in the center and several tables scattered around. There’s also a patio space outside, but since it was about 20 degrees on this December evening, we wisely opted to stay indoors.

And in this case it was also wise because being outdoors would’ve made it that much harder to get to the bar every time we needed to order something. That’s right, Missing Falls features our least favorite system of ordering, where instead of having servers, you have to go up to the bar and place your orders yourself. Because that always bodes well for us.

Here’s looking at you, Erie St Kitchen. Oh the memories.

We also walked into the space in the midst of some sort of card game at several of the tables. A look at the website after the fact confirms it was a euchre tournament. But without that knowledge in the moment it was kind of walking what you thought would be just a house party, and discovering it’s really a championship game night … and that you had forgotten to bring the game board, team, and rule book. So we’ll just drink and eat all the food then, I guess. Cool. I mean, that’s really kind of our usual thing anyway.

WHAT WE ORDERED

So the beer specialty at Missing Falls seems to be of the IPA variety, which Shane somehow glossed over when reading the descriptions and ended up ordering a few of as part of his flight. And we can l guess just how happy that made him, no?

Oops.

I think part of the reason he missed that, though, was because we were all super excited to see that there were about five different varieties of chips offered on the menu. Flavored potato chips? And not just BBQ, exotic sounding things like Maui Onion, Sriracha Honey, and whatever the hell Hai Poke Wonton might be? Yes please, sign us up.

Gentle PSA: this is what arrives when you order those.

I mean, they are the advertised flavors. And full disclosure, they are still awesome. But I kind of feel like they were cheating a bit with the product description here. The menu specifically points out that all chips are gluten free, cholesterol free, kosher, cooked in peanut oil, come in these tasty flavors … that, oh yeah, let’s not bother to mention, we didn’t make here ourselves. Our bad.

Or maybe they should just team up with The Lockview, home of the Lawson’s French Onion dip served at our table in the actual plastic tub like they just bought it at the corner store down the street.

Because we seem to be in a groove recenty of everyone at the table ordering the same thing, it makes sense that Shane, Cassi and Ted all got the same sandwich, The Hitman.

Before you think maybe you’ve had too many beers through the wonder of osmosis and this post, those really are three different pictures of the same sandwich, just with different chips.

See also: making up for the times I forgot to take photos of things with a million pictures of one sandwich. Whatevs.

I got the El Dorado pizza.

Just one photo, although it kind of almost doesn’t fit, so I guess I could’ve taken two?

Jason got the BBQ wrap with the BBQ chips.

Cassi and Jason also ordered the pretzels as an app, and were predictably thrilled when it showed up with their meals instead of ahead of time as the word appetizer would imply.

THE VERDICT

So if you like the feeling of your mouth being engulfed in flames, you should definitely order exactly what I did. Sriracha chips paired with a pizza featuring sriracha sauce drizzled on top may have been slight overkill. Or at least a killer on my taste buds. But what they tasted before dying out was definitely enjoyable.

The pretzels were also winners of the evening. I commented that they looked delicious, to which Cassi relied that “oh they sure are.” And everyone said that they liked the sandwiches also. I didn’t hear any notes about Top 5 material or anything like that, but perhaps that’s just because that list isn’t as easily maintained as the burger and wings lists, since, you know, we typically order those every week.

(If you haven’t guessed, Missing Falls doesn’t offer burgers or wings, so therefore that’s why this was a rare week with neither option showcased on our table. I’m sure we’ll be back to normal next week.)

But even though the food was decent, we all had to agree that the beers were a disappointment – and probably the biggest hinderance to a revisit decision in the future for us. Of course we’ve all learned by now that product descriptions are misleading – I’ve been suckered in far too many times by the words “hints of caramel and chocolate,” only then to be served a glass of something the consistency of motor oil that tastes like tree bark. But even so, there’s still usually one or two on a flight that we order on a whim and end up surprising us.

And even though Shane was struggling through this paradise of IPAs, you would think that Jason and Ted – who typically enjoy variations of them – would find something they enjoyed.

Nope. There just wasn’t a clear standout, despite ordering across the board and trying things we usually lean toward.

And this was where the location of Missing Falls Brewery may be a hinderance to them … because we all agreed after we finished our meals that, to be perfectly honest, if we were going to be in downtown Akron – and in the same literal building as R. Shea’s – we would just rather go there, and have beers that we already know we enjoy.

And so that’s where we ended the night. We still like the location in the Valley better than the one downtown, but it was still a better option than the wealth of IPAs and tree bark flavored motor oil we would’ve continued with at Missing Falls.

I think we discovered what the “missing” stands for in this instance. We’ll bring you a few flavor suggestions along with that thesaurus next time around.

Picked by: Ted
Next pick: Jason

WTGW 10/23/19: Ohio Brewing Company, Cuyahoga Falls

How many times have we lamented that all the new places keep opening anywhere else but in our town?

Which explains not at all why it took us so long to visit this new brewery, seeing as it has been open since at least the beginning of the summer by now. And also that by “new brewery,” we actually mean the new location of a brewery that has been in existence for a few years now.

But no matter either way, because this is the first time we’ve visited either iteration. Oops.

Clearly we’re slackers.

In any case, Ohio Brewing Company actually used to be in Akron, but recently relocated to a remodeled building on Front Street in Cuyahoga Falls. It’s one of a handful of new places that have popped up in the newly rebuilt downtown area. (Nod to OBC neighbor Leo’s Social Kitchen – don’t think you aren’t on one of our collective lists for a future visit)

Ted assumed one of us would’ve jumped on this OBC pick long before now, and I guess was waiting to give one of us the opportunity, but finally decided to “be selfish” and pick it for himself if for no other reason than to be able to go there on his lunch break from work.

You’re welcome for the look inside the minds of the WTGW Crew, folks. It’s a whole lot of “strategery” hard at work.

Ohio Brewing Company is relatively large inside, with a bar along one side and lots of tables in the rest of the space. Word of warning to the ladies … or, I guess, any guys out there who my want to wear a kilt for a fancy night out … many of the tables are of the picnic variety, so if you want to have an easier time of entering and exiting the table area, you might want to take another look at your wardrobe.

There’s also an area downstairs with ping pong tables and other games. Not quite M&M Taproom in Barberton, where we basically had an entire late 90’s rich family’s basement at our disposal throughout our evening – but I see what they’re going for here.

WHAT WE ORDERED

Well, it’s a brewery, so it only makes sense that we started out with flights of beer, no? Bonus that they arrive on really cool wooden Ohio-shaped plates. Which then afford us the opportunity to pass judgement on various portions of the state based on the type of beer that was placed in that part of the plate.

The southeastern portion of Ohio was particularly good to me.

That may be the only time I utter that sentence.

Ted got 12 of the Cajun wings, along with the OBC burger, which is a burger topped with lettuce, tomato, cheese and a spicy onion ring. But of course Ted ordered his sans cheese, which I guess makes it an OB burger?

Oh, wait, that’s not what they were doing there. Got it.

Shane got the same burger but kept the cheese – obviously, because the rest of the world prefers their burgers with cheese, Ted – and also chips.

Well, let me clarify, what Shane ordered was fries with the burger and then a side of chips. But clearly that’s not what arrived. What he ended up getting was chips as a side and then an entire basket of fries later.

There it is.

I got the Swiss and Shroom burger with a side salad.

Well isn’t that pretty?

We also got the Hungarian stuffed peppers as an app.

Taking a cue from Shane’s non-food-sharing philosophy, Cassi and Jason got both the pretzel sticks and fried pickles as apps.

Jason got same burger as me, with chips as his side, while Cassi got grilled cheese and a side salad.

BTW that piece of lettuce and tomato wasn’t the side salad Cassi ordered. Just clarifying. I mean, I’m not really sure what you’re supposed to do with some side lettuce and tomato in terms of a grilled cheese – as kind of the whole point of the sandwich involves the cheese gluing the bread together – so it seems like the time for adding something to that mixture has already passed us by at this point, no?

THE VERDICT

Our apps all scored a thumbs up. Shane and I both thought the peppers were really good. They weren’t super spicy, but the sausage and cheese filling was a really good mix of flavors. The pretzels were voted “delicious.” And the pickles, while in spear form and not the chips that Cassi usually enjoys more, were probably not the best of the bunch – the breading was just a touch too thick – but still decent.

I mean, after we’ve had pickles at Dilly D’s, how can we really ever truly complain?

Ted’s wings arrived and Shane was in full regret mode for the fact that he didn’t order any for himself just on sight alone.

Ted said that as wings go they were good – large wings, decent flavor … but that they weren’t spicy at all.

My burger was OK. It was done correctly – medium – meanwhile Jason’s and Shane’s medium rare burgers looked like they had just been freshly killed out back, so perhaps they unknowingly ordered that elusive side of salmonella with their meals?

Russian roulette of food borne illnesses. Our favorite game.

Regardless we all agreed that they weren’t the best burgers any of us have ever eaten. With or without the 50/50 chance of potential death.

I also gave up on my bun halfway through. As a lover of good carbs, that hurts my heart just a little bit to say.

Cassi took half of her grilled cheese home, saying it was just too filling for one sitting.

Overall, OBC is a cool place. The menu was a bit small, and quite honestly we all thought that it was one of those times when everything on the apps menu looked better than the actual dinners. Case in point, Shane said he would get an order of the fire onion rings just based on the one that topped his burger.

But our one gripe – because you know we have to have one, right? We’re judgey like that, I know – was that the beer … well … was not our favorite, by local brewery standards. I mean some were of course better than others, and Ted seemed to be the one out of the group to be the most agreeable to the majority of them. And we all know Shane and Jason could really be happy with Bud Light, so it’s not like our standards are super high. But I guess when compared to other local places like our old favorite R Shea’s … it’s really no contest.

And it was a little pricey, especially when it came to the sides and apps. The stuffed pepper app was as much as a burger. And those “extra” fries that Shane actually wanted subbed as the side with his burger were another $4. Yikes.

But will we return? Most likely. Given the proximity to home and the fact that we did for the most part like the food options, I could see it being an easy revisit for those nights when we need a nearby locale.

Or maybe we’ll convince OBC to start a new trend of bar table tennis leagues. I mean, if skew ball leagues are a thing, then it could catch on … right?

Only one way to find out …

Picked by: Ted
Next pick: Jason

WTGW 4/10/19: Gamble’s Vintage Sports Pub and Grille, Doylestown

THE WHERE (we went)

Raise your hand if you’ve heard of Doylestown?!

Yeah, well, I sure hadn’t. I’m not sure where this magical land of shockingly more than one bar & grill appeared like an oasis suddenly in my Google Maps search, but OK. We’ll start at Gamble’s, and leave the others up my sleeve for future picks.

But I can’t guarantee I won’t think of this scene in Billy Madison every time we visit.

Shane hit the nail on the head when he said this place immediately reminded him of the Green Diamond Grille in Barberton. Can places have dopplegangers like people? Asking for a friend.

Just like Green Diamond, the walls at Gamble’s are full of sports memorabilia. But its more of a “man cave basement” feel than a local frat house motif. Which is always more desirable, in every sense of the comparison.

And we all know the best furniture compliment to sports memorabilia is a nice granite-looking tabletop and giant comfy office/lounge chairs that you literally have to climb into, no?

Uh.

Sure.

There was also one giant table at the very front of the place that I have to assume is reserved for some sort of royalty. Or mafia meetings. Because, really, how well do we know you, Doylestown?

Exactly.

It definitely wasn’t set aside for the local fantasy football group, whose meeting on this Wednesday had the unfortunate luck of being designated to the back of the bar. And if those guys can’t get the royalty table in a sports bar, of all places, then what is wrong with the world?

THE WHAT (we ordered)

Hey guess what’s on special on Wednesdays? Wings!

I bet you’ll be shocked to hear that that’s what we ordered. Special shout out to places for making specials on the things we eat the most on the nights when we go out. You’re the best.

Although, I mean, admittedly it’s not the best special we’ve ever encountered: wings are 75 cents each, ordered in increments of six. Just a note, Gamble’s, at some places we’ve been, that 75 cents will get you 7.5 wings. Just sayin’.

(And mental note made to put The Big Dog Wing Night on our list of summer patio revisits for this summer.)

Ted admitted, though, that he was a bit conflicted … because it was wing night and so he felt compelled to try the wings … but he also wanted a burger.

Please don’t fall out of your uncomfortably high swivel chair and hit your head on the granite tabletop as you read that. I know it’s a bit of a shock. Who likes burgers and wings in this group? Please.

(And mental note made to check back in on our friends at the Springfield Tavern to see how that two-option menu revision is coming along.)

But jokes aside, we really were a little torn about just opting for the wing special – since, as Jason pointed out, the menu, while small, actually had quite a bit of variety, and sandwiches/meals that sounded pretty appealing.

And if you were hoping I would give you an example of that variety … well, you’d be out of luck, unfortunately, since I can’t seem to remember anything in particular and of course the menu isn’t found anywhere online. But just trust us on this one. I mean, how often have we failed you in the past?

Don’t answer that.

Our apps came in the form of all things loaded: pub chips for Cassi and Jason, and nachos for me and Shane.

Anyone else feel like you’re seeing double? Or playing one of those bar games where you have to spot the differences between two photos?

Yeah, not much variety here. It seems the only difference we noticed was that one has a base of homemade potato chips while the other rests on store bought tortilla chips. And neither option is particularly appealing, TBH.

So if you’re looking to share a few apps with the table then you probably want to only pick one of these, and then pretty much anything else on the app menu that doesn’t begin with the word “loaded.” Just a tip.

Cassi got a salad, and 12 of the hot boneless wings. Which came in two separate order baskets, because apparently they didn’t realize the breadth of our order and think space would be at a premium on our table.

Jason got two orders of wings – six honey mustard and six teriyaki – and the Jeep Davis burger. Which, if I was doing my job correctly, I would be able to give you some detail about what was included with that (since I realize “Jeep Davis” really doesn’t seem to offer a lot in the descriptive category) – but since I didn’t we’ll just say that judging by the photo it has cheese and some onions. Close enough.

Ted got two orders of wings – mango habenero and sweet chili. And the BLT burger – because when you can’t decide in this group, you order both. Duh.

If you can’t tell from the photo, Ted’s was probably the one burger on the menu that didn’t feature cheese as a condiment. Another shocker for the evening, I know.

Shane got three orders of wings – honey mustard, sweet chili and garlic parm.

I got two orders of wings – mango habenero and garlic parm. And a side order of steak fries.

Ted: I feel like this is one of those nights when we might need a picture of the whole table with all the food on it.

At least I didn’t fail on that one. Ta Da!

So, yeah, there’s that. I have to wonder if they ran out of wing baskets after serving our table.

Perhaps the best summary on our meals is this: the steak fries were the best part of my meal.

Ouch.

While that kind of says everything you need to know, I’m obviously not one to ever be at a loss for words, so I’ll explain.

First off, the wings were small. I mean, I get that it’s a wing special night … but given the price I think we were all still kinda surprised at just how small they were.

That’s what she said.

Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

Anyway.

I’m just gonna put it out there that the wings we’ve had for ten cents each at some other places (*ahem* The Big Dog *ahem*) have been considerably larger than these.

The mango habanero, which you expect from the name to be somewhat spicy, just – well – weren’t. They honestly didn’t have much flavor to them. Ted said the sweet chili was his favorite. Shane said he liked the garlic parm the best … but I tried one and thought they also lacked flavor. Maybe my taste buds were broken?

On the burger side of things, Jason thought his was a little dry, and Ted’s was missing any sort of seasoning.

Sounds delicious.

Cassi was not a fan of her salad, which she said had mushy cucumbers. Not to be confused with mushy pizza bottoms. She also pushed her water glass to the side after just one sip, and Jason agreed it did not taste good. Sorry, Doylestown, we’ll take bottled when we visit the next time.

Speaking of glasses, apparently Gamble’s needs to do an inventory of their barware at some point, as it seems they only have two tall beer glasses available. What?

We found this out when Shane and Jason ordered the kind and size of beer, but Shane’s arrived in a tall glass while Jason was served a considerably smaller one. I also was the lucky winner of a tall glass, but mine was full of a different kind of beer. The server explained that it was because I ordered the Summer Shandy, which is what the glasses are actually for.

But wait, Shane ordered Bud Light. How did he get a special glass?

*insert shrugging emoji here*

Well once we discovered we were the proud owners of the only two true tall glasses in the bar, of course we didn’t want to give them up. It’s like when you get grandfathered in with a real glass on a patio full of people forced to use plastic cups, and you do everything you can to make sure the bartender doesn’t find out. I’m an adult, dammit. I can be trusted with real barware.

Anyway, the moral of the story is that if you’re strategic about your alcohol consumption, you too can have the special glass.

Yeah, Shane gave up on that strategy after a few rounds, when it became obvious that timing his drink to run out when the server came over to take the order for the next round also meant he was then without alcohol for, well, a really long time until she returned with a full glass. That’s like playing a drinking game with the goal of who can get the soberist the fastest. No thanks.

THE WHO (we saw)

I bet you won’t be surprised when I tell you that our server was also the only bartender working this evening also. Seems to be a trend these days.

It’s also a trend that places seems to be a little too busy for that. Owners, please take note.

Getting our menus after we were told to “sit anywhere” took about a few seconds shy of forever. And then our first round of drinks eventually arrived but refills were slow – oh, and then we had to wait to put our orders in because she had to check on all of the other tables before she could come back over to us.

When we first walked in I remember thinking there weren’t many tables in this place. But then when it came time for her to check on every. single. one. of. them. it suddenly seemed like there were about 1,000.

So that’s fun.

The entertainment showed up about halfway through our meals, in the form of some random drunk girl who placed herself at the end of the bar near the door and was for some god-forsaken reason given control of the remote to the jukebox. About five songs later we were suddenly surrounded by dance club level decibels of country music, which I assure you isn’t necessary in any form while you’re trying to eat dinner.

THE HOW (much we paid)

$60 bill, so $72 with tip.

Seems a little pricey for wings and beer – especially when they’re supposedly on special. And you have to continuously reuse your beer glass.

THE WHY (they may not see us again)

Well, first off, the wings weren’t really stellar enough for a return visit, especially given the length of drive we have to get us here. The atmosphere – other than the drunken wannabe and apparently deaf DJ – was OK. I mean, the tables and the look of the place seemed promising when we arrived, but we all know that decor and furniture don’t exactly carry a place in our circles.

Plus – seriously – how do you only have two tall beer glasses?? That mafia idea is becoming even more realistic.

But don’t forget the name of the town. We will definitely be back in this general vicinity.

Picked by: Steph
Next pick: Cassi

Steph (with a special appearance by Shane’s side eye)

Shane

Ted

Jason

Cassi

WTGW 3/26/19: Hillside Tavern, Mogodore

THE WHERE (we went)

Hey we’re back on the east side again! At another place that’s literally a house in the middle of some farmlands. Cool.

Word of warning: beware of typing the address into Google Maps, as it will first drop you off on Waterloo Road and tell you to make a u-turn straight into the parking lot of a shopping center equipped with not much more than a Giant Eagle and a Johnny J’s … neither of which seemed to be places we wished to dine at this evening.

It only took the work of five educated adults on iPhones to realize that you instead have to keep driving east out to nearly Rt 44. We’re still not really sure how we outsmarted Siri, GoogleMaps and Waze to come to this conclusion, but I feel as though it should be deserving of some kind of a medal.

Our reward instead was The Hillside Tavern, which is quite literally a house, only instead of a front yard it’s a parking lot you just kind of turn into and find a spot.

We’ve been to worse places, trust me.

THE WHAT (we ordered)

I think Jason and Shane would actually say that the real reward lay inside the Hillside Tavern, in the form of the largest beer we think we’ve ever been allowed to order on a WTGW outing.

That’s 34oz of Bud Lite for the drinking. When the server asked what size he wanted, Jason jokingly asked if there was anything larger than 16 oz. And I think we all thought she was joking right back when she replied that there was.

Much like Shane’s answer to the great “that must be sweet” question of 2014 … nope.

Ted’s IPA that only came in 16oz looks like a baby in comparison.

And to think the one on the left is a “tall” in some establishments

In the world of “everything here is supersized,” Cassi and I each got actual soda glasses of tequila and soda. Barware be damned!

It took Ted about 3.7 seconds to glance at the menu and announce that he’s getting the mini corn dogs. OK then.

Less decisively, Shane and I got nachos, while Cassi and Jason got loaded fries. They also followed Ted’s lead on the mini corn dogs. I mean, he was quickly sold so that must mean something, right?

Apparently that half a keg of Bud Lite went to Jason’s head rather quickly, because when Ted’s order arrives at the table, Jason grabs one, saying they look really good and he just has to try one. Like totally forgot his order would be about about two minutes later.

We’ve never claimed to be patient, folks.

We also never officially claimed to prefer warm cheese on our nachos, but I’d like to make that statement right now. Because we learned firsthand that cold nacho cheese is not preferrable in any sense. Our app was pretty much like a big basket of tortilla chips with some cold cheese and a little bit of sour cream. Oh, and “bacon” that seemed more like chip chopped ham than the crispy bacon pieces I believe we were both envisioning. Like, you do know you need to cook that first before serving it, right?

It seemed like something drunk Steph might’ve concocted in her college apartment at about 3AM after stupidly passing on a trip to Taco Bell on the way home from the bar.

We chose poorly.

Oh, and the loaded fries? Yeah, samsies, just replace the chips with fries.

Oh the variety. I can hardly stand it.

So they’re big on originality here. Noted.

Next time, mini corn dogs for everyone. They were the clear winner of the appetizer party this evening.

Who would’ve guessed little breaded hot dogs would make us so happy?

Moving on.

Cassi was the odd man out this evening, ordering a steak Philly.

There’s meat under all that cheese. I hope.

The rest of us went with wings.

I got 12 of the garlic parm. They were, um, interesting.

Let’ just say that I’ve never seen a garlic parm sauce to be quite so creamy. Or white.

*insert obvious off-color joke here*

But really, WTF? Part of me wants to ask how this was created, while part of me, well, just tried not to think about it and actually eat my meal.

I also got chips. They were like someone poured them out of a bag but them added seasoning to them so it was like they “made” them in house. Eh, OK.

But if you put seasoning on them, it makes them “fancy”

I mean, at least they could’ve given me a tub of store bought French Onion dip to go along with them.

Shane got 12 of the “dry rub” which, when asked, was explained that it’s kind of a spicy Cajun. Which begs the question, why not just put that on the menu then?

Details.

Ted got hot garlic.

Jason got honey mustard, but only six.

The guys also decided that they needed coney dogs to go along with their wings. Because if it’s not wings and burgers with this group, it may as well be wings and hot dogs covered in chili, right?

I mean clearly it’s been established already that it’s a night for variety.

Shane and Jason each got two, and Ted – full on mini corn dogs, apparently – just decided on one.

So when the wings arrive and they’re quite literally on the jumbo side, Ted announces that he’s really glad he didn’t opt for two coney dogs. And Jason was glad he only got six wings, instead of 12.

Shane: Me too. Oh … wait.

Let’s just say that the size of the wings may have been their best quality. The taste was just OK. Shane and I – who had already decided to split our wing orders because we were both indecisive on the same flavors – kind of ended up with a Goldilocks situation, as my wings didn’t seem to have enough flavor, while Shane’s had too much seasoning.

We finally determined that if we just took them home and mixed them together we’d probably get the best result. I think I ate five wings total between the two flavors, and Shane maybe had about the same amount, as did Ted. If not less – because, well, coney dogs.

And did we mention the size of the wings?

THE WHO (we saw)

Our server wasn’t exactly winning our hearts and friendships this evening with her briskness and – well – non-masked annoyance to our questions. She seemed irritated that we didn’t know our order five minutes after we sat down in a place we’ve never been to before. Sorry, our bad. Forgive us for being new and not harnessing our telepathic abilities to pre-read the menu that you don’t have available on a website anywhere. I mean, it’s only 2019. No need to put yourself out there on a platform that most people use to advertise their businesses these days. Cool.

It didn’t help that the food was delivered in batches as it was cooked – so she was probably none too thrilled to have to continue returning to our table when the little “food’s up” bell rang every two minutes for a good stretch of time. Again, sorry. We like food.

But her demeanor was contradicted by a group of guys standing outside who greeted us with a hello and welcome, as well as a guy behind the bar (an owner, perhaps? he seemed to know everyone there) who gave us the same greeting as we were choosing our table, and also yelled a goodbye and thanks for coming in when we left. So that’s a bit of a confusing vibe for a newbie.

I mean, lets all understand – Hillside Tavern is definitely a locals kind of place. The crowd dress code was almost exclusively hoodies and work boots, and I can imagine it being the type of place that boasts a parking lot full of snowmobiles rather than shutting the doors when we get hit with a foot of northeast Ohio snow. But part of that is due to location. I mean, it’s almost like your neighbor throwing a big party. And charging you for food and drinks.

Which brings me to …

THE HOW (much we paid)

Seems a little pricey for essentially wings and beer, no? Well, and the coney dogs, and the college frat party nacho app. But still.

I think we can all agree that the best deal of the night was the giant 34oz beers for only … wait, what’s that? $5 each?!? OK, that’s a steal.

I mean, knowing now the size of the wings and the deliciousness of the mini corn dogs, I bet we could come back and just get those two things, plus about six giant beers, and walk out spending less than we did this evening.

THE WHY (they may not see us again)

So the food was OK, the atmosphere the same (minus the crabby waitress) – but to go that far again for food that we had to take home to doctor up may not be in our cards. Plus GoogleMaps may be on to us now and never let us find the place again.

But, I mean, those $5 giant beers.

The best solution may be to make this a stop for a last call drink whenever we end up out this way for another pick. It’s like a reward for our travels.

Picked by: Shane
Next pick: Cassi

When your table is near the men’s room and we start doing photos while you’re inside. Sorry.

Steph

Ted

Jason

Cassi

WTGW 11/7/18: 91 Wood Fired Oven, Canton

Hey, remember a few weeks ago when we were visiting dive bars and our entire group’s collective bill was like $50?

Yeah, we’ve clearly moved up in the world.

That doesn’t look like a canned beer

It’s like when you get your first real adult apartment and try to compare it to your college place that classified as an apartment pretty much only by the verdict that it had four walls, a door, and functioning plumbing.

91 Wood Fired Oven is owned by the same people who have a few of our other Canton-area picks: 3 Brothers, and Table 6. I know, we all see what they did there with the numbers. Ted has been holding onto this pick for a bit now waiting to finish out the trifecta.

Wednesday brings us a short list of $6 martini specials until 9pm (again, numbers. What is it with these people and multiples of three?), so at least that gave things a promising start. I got the melon.

Spoiler alert: it looked and sounded more promising than it tasted. The fact that I only had one should speak for itself.

Moving on.

Since they didn’t have Shane’s signature namesake martini at this place, he went with a Blue Moon (future me says wise choice on that one, bud), while Ted and Jason got whatever porter was on draft.

For the second week in a row Ted looked at the menu for about five seconds and then declared this was going to be a expensive meal – and not just because he got used to our weeks of entrees for $1 each. Instead it was due to his decision that he would forgo an appetizer in order to actually get two dinners – a meat lovers pizza, and the grilled tenderloin skewer.

Because we all know Ted loves meat on a stick.

Ah, that never gets old.

Well those are definitely bite sized

Meanwhile on the other side of the table, Jason got the pretzel bite app all for himself, along with a BBQ chicken pizza – since Cassi was still abstaining from all things alcoholic, carb-loaded and topped with cheese.

Which makes a pizza place a real treat, I know.

She ended up with the Brussels Sprout Salad.

Which just by name alone seems that it should fit more in a photo frame with my martini glass than the appetizer that Shane and I got: the double chip platter, half covered in blue cheese and half covered in bacon and cheddar.

You can put it on a classy plate all you want – it’s still chips covered in cheese

You can hand a girl a martini glass, but you can’t make her drink it with something other than true bar food. True story.

OK, I admit, I did go back up a notch with my dinner order of Smoked Gouda Risotto. So there’s that.

Shane, meanwhile, copied half of Ted’s dual dinner and ordered the meat lovers pizza.

OK, so now that you know what was supposed to come to the table this evening … let’s talk about what we really ended up with.

Cassi’s salad arrives looking like literally just lettuce. Seems a bit of a red flag that something called Brussels Sprout salad wouldn’t have even one of said item on it, no? Exactly.

Oh good, a plate of something I could’ve bought in a bag at the grocery store for $3

So we called the server over and he confirmed that it was definitely not the right salad. He took it to the back and returned a few minutes later with what appeared to be the same plate, just with some Brussels Sprouts as garish.

Oh look, they added … more green stuff

Interesting.

My risotto arrived looking more like a meat entrée. Which was weird considering that chicken, while mentioned in the description of the dish, wasn’t anywhere in the title. So, yeah, it should certainly look like two giant pieces of chicken in a bowl instead of … well … a bowl of risotto with maybe some chicken pieces in it. OK.

That brown risotto is ruining the rest of the dish

And it didn’t take more than a few bites for me to realize that not only would I prefer the visual of said dish prepared in that fashion, but the taste also. I mean, the risotto was good – it was rich, so I probably couldn’t have eaten more than what I had anyway – but the chicken really killed it for me. Not only were the pieces too thick, giving me flashbacks to the time Hooley House tried to serve up a salmonella sandwich for one … but the taste was just not great.

On the pizza front, Shane spent a few moments trying to figure out why they forgot to put cheese on his. Did Ted call ahead and tell them we were all allergic, as a joke? Had they heard us talking about Cassi’s diet and figured the rest of the group would want to be sympathetic?

Nope, that’s just how they come here.

Did the cheese evaporate when you sprinkled the special shrinking dust on it?

It’s also missing about half the size we’re used to for pizzas in this group. It’s like when you put a sweater in the dryer by accident and it comes out looking like something that now fits your dog or 4-year old niece.

It looks so small and sad

And it wasn’t just the pizzas that seemed small. Ted thought he would have leftovers, being that he did order two full entrees … but because the pizza was microwave sized and the meat on a stick was taken from special cows bred to be about the same size as chickens, well, lets just say he reached the point of “it’s not worth it to waste a to-go box on what won’t end up being a full meal anyway,” and just let that last slice of pizza stay with the plate.

The knife is bigger than the meat lollipop

That’s not to say he wasn’t full, though. I think out of all of us, he was the one most likely to say no to a support stop at Taco Bell on the way home.

Or to a dessert menu. Of course we had to tease Ted when the desserts were mentioned, because when we were at both of this establishment’s sister restaurants we thought we were full and then we went ahead with dessert anyway because they sounded so delicious. And we weren’t disappointed.

I mean need to talk about pumpkin love again? Especially when it is that season right now and it’s likely we won’t get back there before they take it off the seasonal menu again. Someone needs to make a note right now to schedule a revisit every fall just so we can go there and fill up on fried pickles and pumpkin love.

There’s a sentence that shouldn’t be read out of context.

Overall, this was a bit of a disappointing pick. It was definitely our least favorite restaurant from their umbrella, and I have to believe the one we would be least likely to head back to anytime soon. Not to say this place is awful by any means – but if you have the choice of 3, 6 or 9 … let’s just say that less is more where these places are concerned.

Picked by: Ted

Ted

Shane – with a non-Ted backdrop

Steph

Jason

Cassi

WTGW 9/26/18: DelCiello’s, Ravenna

Note to restaurant owners out there: if you don’t want us to come review your place, you’re best not to even mention that you have anything to do with the restaurant business.

This week is a perfect case in point to that, as Ted has been talking about picking Delciello’s ever since we met the owner at our celebrity judging gig at Aurora Farms this past summer. When Ted said that this would be our place of choice for this week, we kind of thought that meant he would pick the new spot just opened up in Aurora, because hearing the owner talk it seemed like it would have more of our younger, bar-y vibe about it.

But instead Ted threw us for a loop and picked the original location in Ravenna. Which the words “younger” and “bar-y” won’t really come within a three block radius of.

This, from the same person who brought us to Gus’ Chalet. I guess we shouldn’t really be surprised.

Although at first glance it had some potential, as it’s literally situated in a house. Wait, isn’t this Shane’s territory?

Oh, wait, there’s a big long history lesson involved here about why this house is still around. The website references the “historic Jennings House,” which I guess some Ravenna residents refer to as the area’s “white house.”

That’s about as far as I got before I felt myself reverting to 9th grade history class and slowly zoning out.

We didn’t leave it smelling like burger grease and fryers like some of our other house ventures, though, so I guess that counts for something.

So I guess the owners are a husband and wife team, one of which is German and one is Italian. So their idea was to have a restaurant that serves both specialties.

Once again, brought to you by the same person who took us to “Sushi and Bar.” I’m not sure what kind of a reputation Ted is building for himself here.

In any case, at least each specialty has its own menu here, so if you can’t have gluten and don’t want to even tempt yourself with pasta you can just request the German menu … likewise if anything beginning or ending in the word schnitzel just makes you giggle (guilty!) then you can politely hand back the German entree list.

And then there’s also a drink menu. So as you can imagine no one in our group even picked that one up.

I couldn’t even type that without laughing. Please.

It took us a bit to get situated, not only in the proper table but also with the array of menus. The table situation was because, well, since as I mentioned the place is a literal home turned into dining area with a bar smacked down in the center … and it’s a bit more on the “fancy” than “bar food” side, which means it’s usually smaller groups and couples dining together … so there aren’t exactly easy places for a group of five to just slide in without moving some things around.

But you know already we aren’t shy about that.

Anyway.

Opening the menus is a bit like settling in to read a short story to a toddler. Lots of words, and a pretty font to boot. That’s always fun. Cassi admitted she was a tad overwhelmed. I mean, we’ve come a long way from one of her first official WTGW outings, when the place we ended up at only had two things to choose from … and now this.

Anyone need a bedtime story?

Ted of course takes about three seconds to scan the various menus before closing them all in a pile and folding his arms across his chest in the universally Ted sign of “I’ve made my selection.” He then proceeded to try to dive right in ordering apps when we’ve all barely had a chance to scan the 10 page drink menu.

Fortunately we could choose quickly, especially Jason and Shane, who went the route of the bottled Bud Lites for only $2.50. Cassi and I had a more difficult time, since it was a rather steep jump from that to the $8.50 mixed drinks.

Apparently “middle ground” are also words not in this place’s vocabulary.

We quickly got our crap together for the appetizer order, since of course Ted was well ahead of us and impatiently trying to order his entire meal before the drinks even arrived. Ted ordered the Tuscan calamari, which I later learned was named as such because it comes with peppers, tomatoes and olive oil in it. Apparently calling it “Tuscan” instead of “Fancy” is preferred.

Calamari, embellished

Cassi and Jason got just plain old calamari. Which is like the cheese pizza of calamari, especially compared to Ted’s deluxe order.

There’s an irony there. Don’t worry, I see it too.

Calamari, plain

Irony #2: Ted wasn’t so much a fan of the Tuscan calamari. Turns out they kind of went overboard with the oil, which drowned out the taste of everything else. Ted said he would’ve preferred it was just more peppers and tomatoes along with the calamari.

Cassi and Jason also ordered cheese sticks, which sounded good enough to Shane and I that we got an order also. I mean, it’s fried cheese. How can you go wrong. Well, I mean, for at least four out of the five people at the table anyway.

Fried things for the win

While these may just look like regular old “remove from freezer and throw into the deep fryer” cheese sticks, Shane claimed the breading on them was phenomenal. He was also in love with the marinara sauce that came with them. I think he would’ve eaten it by itself like some form of chunky tomato soup if we had just given him a spoon.

We didn’t. Shocking.

In this week’s edition of Shane Interrogates Our Server, we discussed portion sizes, and what meals would easily feed an entire rugby team just after a championship match. Well, OK, not in those exact words, but that seemed to be the implication.

Caught slightly off-guard, our poor server could at least reference the fact that we were dealing with two nationalities of food that don’t tend to do portion control well, so pretty much anything on the menu should come close to those expectations. But the two that stood out the most to him would probably be the lasagna or the Jagerschnitzel.

Shane chose the Jagerschnitzel, making him the only person in our group to attempt the German menu. Although he kept calling it Jagerbomb Schnitzel, which I’m not sure the kitchen would agree with creating (and even if they would, does anyone think adding Red Bull to a meal is really the best culinary choice?), even though the server tried to write it down as such after hearing Shane reference it so many times.

Even without the added jolt of “bomb,” Shane was happy with his meal. Maybe not as happy as he was with the cheese sticks and marina soup, but close. He said it was delicious. And while it was undeniably a large portion, he still managed to leave the table as a member of the clean plate club.

One of these things is not like the other

Well, except for the side of peas and carrots that came with his meal, those got pushed in my direction. Stupid imaginary vegetable allergy.

Jason admittedly was jealous of the mushroom gravy. He had also been regretting his meatball sub choice after the server walked away from taking our orders, thinking that he would have a case of food envy bigger than Shane’s hunger once all of our giant plates of pasta and whatever-oversized-entree-Shane-ordered arrived at the table. But once his plate was set in front of him he immediately felt more confident that he chose wisely.

Probably the most American thing on the Italian German menu

He said the sub was very good. The chips alone made the rest of us kind of look at our plates like bald men stared at 80’s rock band icons back in the day.

Especially me, who was not happy with my Pasta Palermo. Admittedly I ordered it because of the alluring “baked under an layer of cheese” description … because, well, those words are definitely music to the ears of pretty much anyone who isn’t Ted. And first glance definitely gave me hope that I’d picked something delicious.

Ted was thrilled to be sitting across from this gooey mess

But honestly the whole cooking then baking thing really just made the pasta too well done. And soft pasta mush is, well, about as pleasant to taste as those exact words imply.

Cassi got the vodka tomato pasta with angel hair. She didn’t say much about it, and left 3/4 of it on her plate after the meal was finished, so I’m going to use my super-sleuth powers to suppose that it was about as tasty as my baked cheesy mush.

It’s hard to screw up spaghetti, right? One would think.

At least Ted was a happy pasta customer. He ordered the clam linguine, and said it was very tasty … despite containing what had to be some of the smallest clams I’ve ever seen. It’s like they found some clam pipeline from Munchkinland.

You feel like a giant picking up one of these tiny clams

We actually passed on ordering dessert – which is strange for us considering lately we’ve been ordering it if they have it on the menu. But I guess given the portion sizes it’s not that surprising, honestly.

The final consensus seemed to be that if you were hungry and you didn’t order overdone pasta, you could leave this place a happy camper. But I doubt we’ll see the inside of this place on another Wednesday anytime soon, just because it’s not our usual Wednesday vibe. The quiet inside the place was somewhat intimidating. And I think our group brought the median age down by at least a generation and a half. Which of course means that our table conversations – carried well across the church-like quiet of the place – weren’t really meant for the ears that they then landed on. Apologies to the table of two women in the same room as us who came out for a nice dinner and probably left more schooled in strangers’ bathroom habits and the antics of a group of randoms during their last drinking adventure than they had bargained for.

Picked by: Ted

Ted

Pirate Shane

Steph

Cassi

Jason

WTGW 8/22/18: Lock 15 Brewing Company, Akron

There are two types of people in this world: those who rush out to see a movie the first weekend it’s open, even though it means fighting crowds and sitting in an extremely full theater … and those who avoid that situation like the plague, even if it means usually forgetting the movie exists until well after its hit the 2nd year of availability on Netflix.

I fall into the latter category. I’m not one to flock to the latest thing just because it’s the latest thing, or to rush through the open doors of a new restaurant/bar/store five minutes after they’re unlocked for the first time.

Which makes perfect sense as to why we’re here at Lock 15 Brewing Company on only the second day of its existence. And that it was my choice.

See also: things I vow to never do again, because clearly the universe was trying to punish me for this decision this time around.

Where To Go Wednesdays

Because who doesn't love midweek adventures when we all have to work in the morning?

chips

WTGW 12/11/19: Missing Falls Brewery, Akron

WHAT WE ORDERED

THE VERDICT

WTGW 10/23/19: Ohio Brewing Company, Cuyahoga Falls

WHAT WE ORDERED

THE VERDICT

WTGW 4/10/19: Gamble’s Vintage Sports Pub and Grille, Doylestown

WTGW 3/26/19: Hillside Tavern, Mogodore

WTGW 11/7/18: 91 Wood Fired Oven, Canton

WTGW 9/26/18: DelCiello’s, Ravenna

WTGW 8/22/18: Lock 15 Brewing Company, Akron

WHAT WE ORDERED

THE VERDICT

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